marriage is...

February 2010

Marriage is finally admitting, after two days of sitting on the floor, that you were both waiting for the other person to put away the mt. Everest-sized clothes piles.

Marriage is tasting his dinner at a restaurant and always wishing you had ordered that.

Marriage is fluffy matching towels in year one, a few walmart towels mixed in with the fancy bridal shower gift towels in year 5, and thin, faded, stringy towels in year 20.

Marriage is making hearty home cooking food for him even though you're on a diet.

Marriage is slipping black beans into the brownies and him never finding out!

Marriage is watching football, baseball, hockey with him and TLC and HGTV with her.

Marriage is re-organizing his drawers every week and never saying a word.

Marriage is ordering pizza at 8:30 when the baby has finally gone down for the night and you both feel like you ran a marathon that day.

Marriage is demonstrating patience with each other when it's really hard to do.

Marriage is looking through pictures of your baby together while they are sleeping because you can't get enough of that precious little life.

April 2014

Marriage is a lot of things. It changes over time and each day to adapts to what life throws at you. Marriage is a bond that is strong and withstands things that other relationships never could. I think it is wonderful to see couples in all stages of life who are still happily married and can tell you what marriage is to them. Marriage is never perfect, but that is the beauty of life. In the midst of imperfection there is something beautiful. The covenant that is exchanged on your wedding day is some of the most important words your mouth will ever utter. And ironically you really have no idea what sickness and health, for richer or poorer, etc will look like, but you promise to be there.

I'm thankful for what our marriage has been to us these past almost 4 years, and I know that the next 4 will probably be completely different, but each day I pray we will become stronger through the journey. I want say thank you to people like our parents, grandparents, and close family friends like Jeff and Tami and Todd and Denise for the example of marriage they have set for those of us just starting out. And I also want to say that I pray that our marriage is and will one day be an example for others.

Babymooning

This weekend we headed off to the O. Henry Hotel in Greensboro, NC to celebrate a few things actually.

Our 3 year anniversary which was on July 17th

Our last time as just us two before baby joins us really any day now

and

My 23rd Birthday which is the 28th of this month!

So many fun things going on and we really enjoyed our little bit of luxury.

 We had an early check in so we got to check out our really cool suite with an amazing bathroom and then do some browsing in stores near by. 

Now that we are about to be parents you know, we just had to go in the toy store.

It was awesome! We lost track of time in there and I am pretty sure people thought we were crazy. 

Our favorite section, the stuffed animals. If it is an animal they had it in there!

Dinner reservations were at 6 at the Green Valley Grill!

Delicious! You may notice I order a hamburger, but it was seriously one of the best I have ever had!

Ryan on the other had order rotisserie steak!

It was quite delicious too.

The next morning we had breakfast in bed! YES PLEASE!

Seeing as how I am pregnant and can basically eat all day we order pretty much everything.

I was a happy camper.

Not a drop left :)

 This is a flash back picture to our honeymoon where we had breakfast delivered every morning and Ryan would take my picture.

Babymoon complete, now we just need us a baby!

Long Distance in Marriage

Have you and your husband ever found yourself in a long distance marriage for a while?

I never thought I would, but when my husband took his job, we found out he would be traveling pretty much the entire first year!?! 

It's crazy, it really is, but after going through a stretch of woah-is-me I'm the only person who never gets to see her husband, I realized that I absolutely wasn't the only one!

It went kind of like this: "Self, have you ever heard of deployment, or of husbands who have to go overseas for work, or husbands furthering their education out of state?"

It's hard. I'm not going to lie, but this summer, we will have been doing it for one year. 

We have learned along the way and figured out ways to make this thing work for the time being.

Maybe what we have learned to mistakes and successes will encourage you.

I guess it's also not bad marriage advice either, even if you aren't long distancing. 

1. Remind yourself it isn't permanent. 

There is always an end. I don't know an exact date yet, but I know that soon he will be home and working a normal schedule in one town. Looking forward to that time is what gets me through the lonely weeks.

2. Text each other! All day! Everyday! 

We love text message. I mean top 10 best inventions ever, I think so! Tell him you miss him like a bajillion times a day. It's ok. They like to be reminded that someone misses them. Talk about funny things and send funny pictures of you and the dog or something you did that day. 

Source unknown

3. When and if you do get to see them, plan your time together.

Some weekends when Ryan comes home, if we haven't planned anything we just end up staring at each other until lunch on Saturday saying, "What do you want to do?" "I don't know. What do you want to do?" Not productive and Not fun! Breakfast dates are some of our favorite ways to spend a Saturday morning.

4. Be honest with each other. 

Tell the other person about your hard days or worries. A lot of times when you see your spouse everyday it is easy to read their emotions to see if something is on their mind or upsetting them, but the phone can really make it hard. Marriage is all about supporting each other. Don't let that HUGE aspect slip when you miles apart. 

5. LOVE on each other. 

Do something special for the other person. Something they may not be expecting. Make time for being ALONE when you are together!! And don't neglect the other's needs.

6. Finally, Stay Positive.

Remember that what your going through is hard but there is always someone out there going through something much harder. Don't complain all the time to others about your situation. They will get tired of it, TRUST ME! Have faith that God will bring you through, what ever the separation may be and how ever long, a better and stronger Husband and Wife!!

Wedded Bliss V.2

I am excited to be linking up with Kay again for another Wedded Bliss Wednesday.  I must preface this by saying that Ryan and I have only been married for a little over 2 years but we have been together for almost 7 now. We are by no means marriage or relationship experts, but we have had plenty of opportunities to learn and grow together. I always have a passion to share what has helped us start a healthy marriage so young with others who may be dating, considering marriage, in a happy marriage, or in a challenging marriage.

If you could give one piece of advice to any married (or soon-to-be married) couple, what would it be? Everyone will tell you how challenging marriage is. Believe them, because it is, BUT DON'T let that get in your head! Marriage is a Joy. Marriage is given to you and your spouse by God and you are designed to reflect the Love that Christ has for you. I think that best way to live this out is to Honor God with your actions toward your spouse and uplift them in your words and actions. Everything else will fall into place. What is an absolute MUST for any marriage/relationship? Find something you love to do together and do it. Spend specific and designated time together during the week. We like to go to breakfast on Saturdays and go to the farmers market. We also enjoy making dinner together on friday nights then watching a movie or tv show at home. Develop your interests together, it's great to have your own interest but for your marriage you have to love to do things together.
What is the #1 no-no in a marriage? Keeping Secrets I haven't had any experience in this, but I know that lies and secrets will destroy your marriage faster than just about anything.  Don't do it! They will come to the light.
What is the biggest lesson you have learned from your marriage? I have learned that sometimes a peaceable argument is actually beneficial and helps to get issues on the table and sometimes can bring you closer.  I was always more reserved and would hold a grudge about something rather than bring it up, and risk an argument.  When that was usually the more productive route.

Ahhhh Marriage...

I know that marriage is God given because there is nothing more fulfilling to me than being a wife.

I love knowing I have a companion that is always by my side and supportive.

It is comforting to have help in the rough times, and it is exciting to dream with Ryan about our future.

We have now been married for over 2 years and I wouldn't change a thing.

Once you find the one God has given you, never let them go!

Wedded Bliss VLOG

This is a first for me. 

I Vlogged and I figured that if I was going to vlog then I should get my husband in on the fun!

I am linking up with Kay from Life After... and Allie from Table for More for the Wedded Bliss Link up.

I will let you know that...

~I don't think that I sound quite like that in real life. 

{It is a big step for me to vlog. I hate my voice when it is recorded.)

~Our dog was scratching {of course} in the floor and it was distracting me.

Yup That's my Husband!! ;)

It was a lot of fun... I think we will be vlogging again!

All things Marriage

So tonight I am liking up with one of my favorite who is a amazing Mom and Wife, Becky! You will love her if you haven't ever read her blog. We are talking all things Marriage!

I hope you enjoy so fun pictures, stories, end even some opinions/advice!

 

1. Are you married? If so when did you get married, and tell us about your special day. If not? How would you describe your dream wedding? 

We got married in my grandparents small town in eastern NC. I loved their church which was full of stained glass. It was very special to be married there. Our wedding was medium sized. We had about 160 people there {give or take}. I would say it was quite perfect. Family and friends all came for our special day. I had always dreamed of my wedding day and I feel like every detail was just the way I had dreamed. I was so happy to be getting married to Ryan that I pretty sure that any wedding would have been perfect but I was so thankful for my dad and mom who helped make sure everything went off with out a hitch!


2. Show us some wedding pictures. Either yours or of some that you love.

3. How about the engagement? Tell us your story. If not engaged, what's your dream proposal?

Well, we had been talking about getting married, but the day he proposed, I had no clue. We had gone home from college for the weekend. When he picked me up from my dorm to go home he had flowers for me which I thought was awful sweet {but i thought nothing of}. We had hung out on friday night like usual. On Saturday his family was going to eat for his great grandmothers birthday. He called me and said that he was going to come over a little early before we went to dinner. When he got there he came on in my house. We sat around and talked then he said he had something for me in his car. We walked out to his car {he parked it far down my parents long driveway}. It was more beautiful flowers! I said "aww thanks hon that's so sweet" etc... We started walking back up the drive way and he stopped me and said, "Is that all you thought it was?" I didn't know what he meant. Then he said so many kind sweet words and got down on one knee right there in my drive way and asked me to marry him. I was soooooo happy I jumped up and said "Yesssss" {and fist pumped haha}. Meanwhile back inside my brother looks out the window and says, "I think Ryan just asked Clara to marry him." 

I got to show off my ring that night at dinner!

{And yes, if you were wondering, we did get married in college. Haha}

4. Show us your wedding rings or an engagement photo! If not engaged/married ... show us your "dream" ring.

5. Tell us why you think marriage doesn't work out for so many? What can we do to make things last 

I believe that so many couples go into a marriage thinking that it is going to be easy and that it wont require work on their part and that is not the case. Marriage is all about putting your spouse before yourself. The challenges of marriages are not overcome by ignoring the issues but by working together to come to solutions. 

The best marriages are sustained by giving of you self, kisses, taking time to go on dates, doing special treats for the other,

As soon as you are not willing to change and grow with your spouse and their needs, or you are harboring anger inside is when your marriage is likely to be broken.

*these are my opinions and beliefs that I have developed over my 2 years of marriage and reading books and watching others

The Life of a Geographically Single Wife

So, the hubby has been doing some traveling for work...

I know. Womp. Womp. Womp. 

It stinks.

I have been working about 40-50 hours a week and it is wearing me out. 

But the thing is, I have never really lived the single life before now and I am starting to learn why. 

I am not cut out for it.

How do you cook for one?

Oh wait, you don't!

I eat dinners that go a little something like this:

Cereal and Flax Milk

or

Beans and Rice

How do you do laundry for one with out doing tiny loads?

Oh wait, you don't!

And why clean up the bathroom counter when no one else is competing for counter space?

Oh wait, you don't!

I will tell you now that I much prefer my married life over this!

And I realize now just how much my man did for me, like the dishes and putting away my bathroom counter messes. 

Thank you Babe!

what LOVE has looked like lately

With so many weddings this summer and now my life long best friend's engagement and wedding coming up, I have been thinking about what our marriage has looked like lately.

Our Wedding {July 17, 2010}

All marriages go through eb and flow, and lately I feel like ryan and I have been blessed with some invaluable time to spend together during this transition time as we have moved to our new town and before our jobs have fully begun.

I am reading a book that I am sure you have all heard about entitled "Real Marriage" by Grace and Mark Driscoll that is so great. In it, it says that the best way to have a lasting marriage is to be your spouses best friend and all else will fall into place.

So in our efforts to always be each other's best friends,
love has looked like:

Nightly 2 mile walks with Sox.

Walks to Whole Foods for gelato after dinner.

Me attempting to play Call of Duty with Ryan. 

{the book talks about wives doing what the husband likes and husbands doing what the wives like}

Antique shopping for decorations.

Cooking dinner together.

Afternoons by the pool, just reading and talking.

Grocery shopping together.

Exploring our new town together, and sometimes getting lost.

Marriage is such a great gift. It takes continual work and humility to admit when you are wrong and your areas of weakness, but it is also rewarding.

There is no friend on earth that I could have who could ever be closer than Ryan.
We still have plenty to work on in marriage, and after almost two years, I realize how little I knew about it when we embarked on this journey on July 17th, 2010. BUT I do know that our friendship will carry us through to the end.

I challenge you to take a challenge with me. 

Last week I took one day and did not get on the computer at all when I was with my husband.

I just get so sucked in. 

I think I am going to make this a weekly thing and take one day 

of every week to "unplug" when I am with my him. 

Will you do this with me? 

I think it will make for a closer friendship and an even better marriage!

Summer Weddings Make Me Feel Fine

Ok, so that is now exactly how the song goes, but I think it sounds pretty good. 

Don't you?

I promised you more pictures of the wedding cake is did for this beautiful bride and groom, 

and here they are.

I apologize because I only had a point and shoot to take the pictures with, so they are not the best, but they do give you a look at the cake!

This is my Dad's Mom who I could not have do this without!!

These pictures are from our other friends', Laura and Jordan Bunce, Wedding!

Dress: Belk

I hope you all enjoyed these more detailed pictures of these fun weddings we have been to this summer! 

And speaking of weddings, my beautiful best friend and cousin by marriage got engaged this past Saturday!
Check out her bling!

More wedding fun to come!! 

I am Thankful for ...

The other day, Ryan and I were at the pool just hanging out.

And I can't help but eaves drop on conversations being had at the pool, and if you are honest, you are probably the same way.

I over heard some women talking.

As I listened to their conversation, I heard stories of their broken lifestyle, and my heart sank.

I realized as I listen to their discussions of life that I have something that they don't.
That I am someplace they are not.
Not physically, but spiritually and relationally.

I hate to admit it but sometime it takes events like these to wake me up and make me realize how blessed I am; how much I have to be thankful for.
It made me feel guilty for the times that I get so focused on myself that I forget how wonderfully blessed I am by God.

Over the past few weeks, I was so temped, and even gave in to the temptation to grumble about moving and starting over, finding new friends, a job, the "hassels", that I lost sight of the blessings I was complaining about!

My husband has a wonderful job!

What more could I ask of the the Lord to provide? 

I am so thankful to be where I am in life right now.
A bright future, with a supportive husband.
I believe that in our moments of weakness and doubt God sends us signs that he has us under his wing.
I am afraid this is going to be on of those life long struggles for me though.

^{Romans 8: 26-28}

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I said I am thankful for my husband. Well I am very thankful for him! 

And not to lessen the mood or significance of this post, but this is just one example why I love him ;)

I was cooking dinner and he said take our picture and I turn around and this is what I find!

A Post on Life, Direction, and the Future

With Graduation just a few short days away, I am quickly beginning to feel reality smacking me in the face. In fact, it is more like the world is breathing down my neck.

Let me explain.

I am 21 almost 22. I am married to the most supportive husband ever and I am so blessed. I am hardworking, and graduating from a well-know university with a good resume and a great major.

What is the problem you ask?

The problem is that the world tells me to get the big corporate job at the corporate headquarters and work my way up. To make a name for my self, and to build my resume.

But I don't know if that is what I want. I mean I don't want to just settle for just any job, that doesn't use all my skills, when I worked my you-know-what off in school to be one of the top students, but at the same time, does any of that even matter really?

I want to be a mom soon and to share that joy with Ryan, and to be able to take care of my child every day, and lets face it, corporate America doesn't fit with those desires.

The problem is not that I am not happy working a "regular" job. I actually would love to work in a bank, or a doctors office or as a secretary.

The problem is that people have expectations of me that do not align with my hearts desire and {here is the honest truth} I am not strong enough to say to them, "I want to be a stay at home mom in 2 years." I won't say this, because I know the looks that will be on their faces.

I want the right job for me. Not the necessarily the best job there is out there. I want to have freedom to support my husband in his job and to be available to my family.

........

Life is hard.
I know this is just the first of many tough decisions.
But I know this:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

the little things make up the big things

Photography by Terri Gettler Photography 

It is so often that we get caught up in the hustle and bustle of our routines.

I know this is true for me and Ryan. 

Sometimes we just get so focused on all the other stuff we have going on that we forget to take the time to remember that it is the little things in marriage that make up the whole big picture of love!

But never do I let a day go by where I am not thankful for him in my life!

I thought I would share with you 5 tips for women and 5 tips for men that make marriage and romance more meaningful.

{These are just some of the suggestions that were given to us during a marriage conference at our church. They come from Toward a Growing Marriage by Gary Chapman}

And in light of being an open book here, Ill tell you that we don't have it all figured out and we are actually working on these right now ;)

{Men}

This is what women desire:

1. Honor Christ as the Head of our home.

2. Express appreciation for the little things I have done that day. {ex: the meal was good, I appreciate the clean house}

3. Occasionally buy me flowers, lingerie, or perfume.

4. Say sweet nothings and tell me why you love me.

5. Pray with me about the problems and victories you are having; let me express my own needs to you.

{Women}

This is what men desire:

1. Do not allow your self to remain upset over everyday events that go wrong. {oops}

2. Relax with me at least once a week.

3. Go to bed earlier. {no late night blogging *wink}

4. Dress more appealingly when I am at home {no housecoats, slippers, etc...}

5. Forgive me when I fall short of what I should be.

I am a marriage book reading-aholic.

Not because ours is bad, or failing, actually quite the opposite,

Because I want our marriage to be ever growing and strong.

I love marriage and desire to see it be what God has intended. 

I can't believe we are working on two years!

Today I am linking up with Heather at Finding Beauty in the Ordinary