On Godly Friendships

                                                                  Source: sugartotdesigns.blogspot.com via Shannon on Pinterest

Acquaintances are a dime a dozen, but true, Godly friends are one in a million.

For a season in my life, I had friends, but ever so often I would feel torn down and defeated by them.

I had grown to think that was what was to be expected in friendship.

Oh, was I wrong.

Lately, I have been tremendously bless to have women in my life who build me up, ask about me, care and pray for me, and never seem to encounter a situation of gossip or judgement. 

Some may attribute it to maturity, which it may in part be, but I believe that a lot of it has to do with the heart. 

Friendships that center on God's love will feel right and inviting. 

I guess I am writing this because I struggled for so long with friendships, and I don't want others to do the same.  

People are human, they will let you down, but it is not Biblical to feel put down or destroyed by friendships.

Change your situation. 

Get involved in a ladies Bible study.

Find friends who value your relationship with Christ more than they value how your friendship can benefit them.

Proverbs 18:24 
There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 22:11 
Whoever loves a pure heart and gracious speech will have the king as a friend.

A little Honesty, a Little Home Decor

In an attempt to be me to you in this thing called blogging, I must be honest and say that life gets you down sometimes.

Just when you think you have the plan figured all out, the plan gets ruined.

Ryan, was in a wreck on Sunday afternoon after my parents left.
GOOD NEWS: he was completely ok, but the old and not so great jeep was hurt.
We are waiting to hear the appraisal of the vehicle and damages, but it can't be much, and the chances of it being totaled are high.
Which leaves us with little $ and only 1 car.

God will provide, he always has, but I will tell you that before you think you have things figured out and plan in place, you should probably just plan for your plan to go wrong!

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After a 3 hour detour and many unplanned events, we finally got around to what we had planned on doing with our Sunday afternoon.

We turned a vintage calendar into wall art!

What do you think?

We hung them so they would be random and they are all in poster frames which are super cheap!!

I suggest this for a cheap decoration idea!

I hope you all have enjoyed your Tuesday and will have a wonderful Wednesday!

I am Thankful for ...

The other day, Ryan and I were at the pool just hanging out.

And I can't help but eaves drop on conversations being had at the pool, and if you are honest, you are probably the same way.

I over heard some women talking.

As I listened to their conversation, I heard stories of their broken lifestyle, and my heart sank.

I realized as I listen to their discussions of life that I have something that they don't.
That I am someplace they are not.
Not physically, but spiritually and relationally.

I hate to admit it but sometime it takes events like these to wake me up and make me realize how blessed I am; how much I have to be thankful for.
It made me feel guilty for the times that I get so focused on myself that I forget how wonderfully blessed I am by God.

Over the past few weeks, I was so temped, and even gave in to the temptation to grumble about moving and starting over, finding new friends, a job, the "hassels", that I lost sight of the blessings I was complaining about!

My husband has a wonderful job!

What more could I ask of the the Lord to provide? 

I am so thankful to be where I am in life right now.
A bright future, with a supportive husband.
I believe that in our moments of weakness and doubt God sends us signs that he has us under his wing.
I am afraid this is going to be on of those life long struggles for me though.

^{Romans 8: 26-28}

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

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I said I am thankful for my husband. Well I am very thankful for him! 

And not to lessen the mood or significance of this post, but this is just one example why I love him ;)

I was cooking dinner and he said take our picture and I turn around and this is what I find!

True Love... Easter

Come close, listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers broken heart
Tears were filling heavens eyes
The day that true love died,
The day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died,
The day that true love died

Search your hearts
You know you can’t deny it
Lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

Jesus is alive!

He rose again!

When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn’t move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died,
The day that true love died

_Phil Wickham_True Love_

This morning Ryan and I had the awesome opportunity to participate in Raleigh Easter.

Our Church, Vintage 21, does Easter on Saturday the way the world does it, so they will do Easter the way God does it on Sunday!

It was so wonderful to be albe to love on the people of Raleigh and to see children's faces light up during all 7 of the easter egg hunts of 60,000 eggs!

What a mighty God we serve!

So thankful to be free to celebrate our salvation tomorrow and excited to thank our Father for all he has done! Pray for all the families who were invited to church tomorrow!

What gives Inspiration...

I could literally make an infinite list of the people and things that inspire me on a daily basis, but I feel that nothing inspires me more than my future.

So that may sound really strange at first but let me explain how my future inspires me and how that too works together with that list I was talking about to create infinite inspiration.

I guess you could say that I am a reflective person. I may not always appear that way, because I am silly at times and goofy, but there is always that side of me that is constantly processing thoughts and thinking about everything. These thoughts are mostly about the future and how I can become a better person or maybe how I want to raise my kids or even just a great idea. It is my deepest hearts desire to be the best daughter in Christ, wife, and mother possible and my future inspires me to pursue my faith, husband, and one day strive to be the best parent possible. I know I am a failure most of the time, but I am getting good at picking up, brushing off the dirt, and moving forward. 

My future inspires me, because right now there is so much that it could be. It could be so great. I have so much time {God willing} to honor and worship my savior, to love my husband, and to give endlessly to my future children that I want to become everything I can now to do that in the future.

Now, as my future is my overall inspiration, I am also inspired by people like my Mother, Father, Husband, Ladies around me, other amazing Bloggers who share so honestly about their lives, and even the little things like coffee and great colors and delicious food!

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Today I am linking up with the Inspiration Blog Hop

The Vanilla Tulip and Finding Beauty in the Ordinary

This is {Honestly} Me Today

As I sit here today, I am burdened deeply.
If you know me well, or have ready many or really any of my posts you will know that I am a outgoing, happy, full of life girl. The kind of girl who longs to have nothing stoping or holding me back.
Also if you have read any of my posts you will know I deal with migraines and major neurological complications.
I want to make my blog fun, but I also want it to be me, which is why I am pouring my heart out to you today.

Last week I suffered from a migraine that would not go away and when it finally did on Friday, its pain had been replaced by weakness, numbness and tingling in my arms and legs. The past couple of day have been physically and emotionally exhausting. My muscles are so weak right now that it is painful to go up the 3 flights of stairs to our apartment. {This is totally out of the ordinary for me. I am a lover of exercise and running}. I do not have fine motor skills in my left hand right now, and simply typing this post is difficult.

I basically have a neurological disorder that comes in episodes. After such intense migraines my neurological in unable to stabilize normal systems of my body like blood pressure, so blood will pool in my legs if I am not careful.

Ryan and I went to our pastor on Sunday night to have him pray with us for healing, not because we believe he has specials powers or anything, but because it is what the scripture says in James 5:14 "Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and the Lord shall raise him up"


This is me this week and all of your love and support is so encouraging!
I pray so fervently that I will wake up in the morning back to my normal self and will not have another episode for a long time, or better yet EVER!


Do you live with chronic pain? If so how do you deal with it?

{I must say that Ryan has been the most supportive husband in the world, he even brought me my favorite treat ever, Starburst Jelly Beans! And my Mom and Dad are beyond supportive, doing what ever they can to help.}

Thanks for listening!

A {No Words} Kind of Sunday

It has been a beautiful Sunday, the kind that makes you feel new and refreshed.
The sun is bright and the air is Crisp and you spend the day reflecting on Christ's love and your many blessings.
This past week we sang a song that has really been on my heart:

- How Deep The Father's Love -
"Why should I gain from his reward? I cannot give an answer, but this I know with all my heart his wounds have paid my random"

There is no logical reason that we would receive forgiveness for our sins with out having to do anything, but that is the beauty of the Gospel.

I hope that you too have been refreshed this Sunday and that you may enter the week with strength.

{We keep praying for patience as we wait to hear from jobs and I would sure love to give you a positive update a.s.a.p.}

                                                                          Source: facebook.com via Clara on Pinterest

Sacrificial Spring Break: Wrap up

Well, it finally happened. For all of you who have been following along this week as Ryan and I participated in Sacrificial Spring Break, it came to an end last night. But only in some ways. I know that through this week many of our lives have been molded to give more of ourselves to others, and I realized just the other day, that all that may mean sometimes is cheering up the grocery store clerks day by having a conversation with them. Christianity is about Christ's love and showing that love in your word and deed; that is something that I have really began to understand this week.

I feel like I have been out of the blogosphere for forever! I haven't had time to read all my favorite blogs this past week, but I am going to catch up and can't wait to keep sharing my heart.

Sacrificial Spring Break: Day 3 & 4

Sacrificial Spring Break is only partly about what we can give back to others, because of the great love Christ gave us; but it is also about allowing God to work in our lives through others and through experiences.

What we do this week, like lay mulch and paint and plant plants will fade away into the daily scene and will be once again over taken by the weeds and filth, but Christ has a much greater plan at work through it all. Although we may never see the real fruit of this week's labor, we can have faith that our labor through Christ's strength and in His power will reveal in others a greater hope. 

As Christians we have found that greater hope, and should desire to share it relentlessly with everyone we see. 

My prayer as I close out this week and enter into another week, filled normalcy, is that I would be truly filled with the Holy Spirit, and that his love living in my would be so great, that I could not contain that love an truth. I know that my life right now is one that says, "I can contain the Holy Spirit within me" and I am ashamed and saddened by that fact. I know that this can only be changed and accomplished through Christ alone. I pray that I would be more intentional in my faith in a way I have never been before.

I would explain in detail all that we have done this week at our work sites, but it gets laborious and tedious so I will allow the pictures to do the talking.

"Even the mystery which hath been hid from ages and from generations, but now is made manifest to his saints: to who God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is christ in you: the hope of glory: Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus: Whereunto I also labor, striving according to his working, which works in me mightily."

~ Colossians 1:25-29

Planting Seeds With the kids at Neighbor to Neighbor 

Sacrificial Spring Break: Day 2

Wow! Yet another big day at Sacrificial Spring Break.
I have so much to say, and so much on my heart, but I want to do it justice, and it so late so I believe I will save it for tomorrow.
But, I want to leave you with a few pictures and a scripture verse.

Philippians 4: 4-7
"Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let you requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through christ Jesus."

Sacrificial Spring Break : Day 1

It's 10 pm on night one of Sacrificial Spring Break, and my nails still have dirt underneath them, there is paint splatter in my hair, and I am exhausted from the work and bronchitis combo, but I am thrilled at what God has in store for this week. It has only been one day and we have only seen a glimpse of what is to come. I only have one goal or expectation for this week and that is to Glorify God! Last night, I prayed that no matter the task, or worksite, that I would bring glory to Him.

I love the way that Sacrificial Spring Break is set up because it gives us {as students} a place to come together from morning 'till night and grow, serve, worship, learn, fellowship, eat, and enjoy what God has given us. I could not be more thankful to Vintage 21 Church for the financial support and all the community groups and restaurants for the meals that they provide.

This week we are all working at a magnet school in the mornings. It is our goal to a) beautify the school as Christ came to beautify us through salvation, b) bring purpose to the projects as Christ did when he gave us life he gave us a purpose to that life, and c) bring a sustainable future as Christ did when he left the Holy Spirt on earth. We started beautifying this morning with lots of painting. I would love to be able to interact with the kids more but they are in class so I am going to try to just be more in prayer tomorrow as I am painting: praying for their future, for hope, for salvation, for leadership, for Godly mentors and parents.

In the afternoons, we all break up and work on 4 different projects. Ryan and I work on a project called Neighbor to Neighbor {N2N}. N2N is basically a "hub" for local ministries to come into down town Raleigh, for example, kids come there after school for tutoring and mentoring, they have a "come as you are church service" on Sundays, and a garden to provide food to the underprivileged in the area. Today we pulled weeds out of the garden in order to be able to plant the the vegetables tomorrow!

I am so thankful for this opportunity.
I pray for an open heart and a willing spirit.
I will leave you will some pictures from the day.

Worship

Painting

N2N Gardening

N2N Gardening

Jubilant Thursday

Oh man!
It is Thursday, which for me and my crazy school schedule means my Spring Break Starts!
I could not be more ready!
I have a wonderful week planned, which means that the blog posts should be equally as great!

Oh and this is me at lunch with Ryan celebrating Spring Break! {yummy Mexican}

















I feel like we have a lot to catch up on, but here  is what is most important for now.

~God is certainly teaching Ryan and I patience.
We are currently in the final stages with some job interviews and anxiously awaiting call backs! {and when I say anxious, I mean anxious}
So the waiting days are really difficult and I try to prepare myself for disappointment.
But I want the security of those jobs so bad.
I want to know that we will be set after graduation, no worries.
I am a planner!
And then today, in the midst of the crazyness, I remembered this verse and looked it up to read His promise to us.
{Read it, it is long but it is worth it.}

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6: 25-36

Why do we {I} forget? and so quickly?

God, has not, and will not leave me stranded, alone, unclothed, unfed.

HE KNOWS MY PLAN! WHY WORRY SO MUCH!

{why I blog 101: it is like self therapy, and free!}

~ I had mentioned that Ryan and I would be doing Sacrificial Spring Break in a previous post. We are really excited to see what God has planned for us during this time. I will just fill you in quickly on what it is exactly. Sacrificial Spring Break was started 2 years ago by college students from NCSU who go to our church, Vintage 21. It's whole purpose is to sacrifice your spring break in order to love on and give back to our city of Raleigh. We will be going to 5 different sights in Raleigh to do projects and build relationships with the people that Vintage can then continue through community groups. This year we are working at an elementary school, the New Bern Transitional Home, Neighbor to Neighbor, the Boys and Girls club, and local non-profit farm that grows food to give to the needy. We are so very excited to be a part of this and I can't wait to share some stories an pictures!



~Finally Ill leave you with yet another picture of Sox.

This fine weather has put a little pep in his step per say!

Hope you all are enjoying your Thursday!

My Journey: Part 4

I have been trying to share with you a huge part of my life. If you are just now reading you can catch up here: {Part 1}  {Part 2}  {Part 3}

I refer to this part of my life as my Journey. I call it this because it has been just that, a journey. If you have read the previous posts then you have gotten the nitty-gritty and the details, but that is not really why I want to share this story with you. I want to share my journey because this journey ultimately made me a better person. Each challenge gave me the opportunity to grow as a person, and I promise I am getting to that.

I will fill you in on the details again on what happened and where I am now and then we will talk about about what God taught me, because trust me it was a lot!

After I made the decision to withdraw from college, a huge burden had been lifted and I felt that I would be able to fully recover from this second surgery. But don't get me wrong, it was not easy to make that decision. I struggled over those 3 months to be happy and not be depressed {let's just be honest about it}.
I spent every day for the first month by myself on the couch. I was limited and could do very little but watch tv, read, sleep, do puzzles, etc. {Insert big Lesson from God here}. After a month and a half I was able to go back to doing regular things and I began to work at my old job at Chick-fil-A, and I did some wedding cakes with my Grandma.

In the spring I went back to school. I went back thinking that things would be just as I left them, and boy was I wrong. Without saying too much my expectations of my return to college were way different than what they actually were. This was a hug challenge, and although somedays it seemed that I was completely deserted, and there were days where I doubted God, I knew in my heart that he had not left me.

I studied abroad that summer in Costa Rica to make up for all of the hours I missed my first semester, and then at the end of my sophomore year, I transferred from the all girls college I was at to a state university.

How do I feel now?
I still have major headaches on a weekly basis, but I am much better than I was prior to the surgery.
I still have to go to a neurologist 4-6 times a year to help with pain, because it seems I will always deal with neurological pain.
I have been diagnosed recently with complicated migraines, which means that I have migraines and a lot of complications that come with them.
It it not easy, but I am so blessed to have Ryan who is always supportive, and my parents are so understanding and want to see me feeling 100%.
Having these migraines is a struggle, but I don't let it stop me!
I have big dreams and goals that I want to accomplish and I wont let those darn headaches interfere!

Flying By Fast

Life seems to be flying by so fast.

Our last spring break begins in just 4 short days now.

Graduation is only 74 days away.
I can hardly believe it now!

Life is going by so fast!
{how many times can I say that}

I am so thankful for the many people in our lives that have truly blessed us and supported us these past years.
God is so good!


{Thank you for reading my blog and being an encouragement!
This blog has given me a spirit to pursue a greater me.
It allows me to share my thoughts, events, and all that in between; and then I can see my growth or even lack of growth.
So thanks for the support and for reading!{


I hope that you have had an encouraging monday and that this week if full of Love for Christ and others!

If we were to just talk...

If we were to just sit down today, and if I were to share what was on my heart, this is what you would hear.


I would talk to you about how I am scared and excited all in one for the future.
I pray everyday that God would show us what to do when we graduate.

I would tell you that I wish I could be better. Be a better wife. Keep a cleaner house. Be a better friend. Leave a better impact on the world. Just be better.

I would tell you marrying Ryan is something I thank God for everyday.

Then I would talk about how much I wish I could go on a trip with him, just to get away.

And finally I'd probably show you this picture of Sox.

My Journey: Part 3

If you are just now joining me, I have been doing a broken up post on what I have been referring to as "My Journey."

I call it a journey because I don't always know how to refer to it, but I do know that through it all, and now that I am able to look back on most of it, God taught me so much. 

He never left me alone.

We are on {Part 3}, so not too late to catch up. 

Check out these posts to read what has happened up to this point.

{Part 1}

{Part 2}

I started my first semester of college in August, and had almost fully recovered from my surgery in July.

One thursday in mid September I had walked into my dorm room from class and was studying some Economics when I noticed that I could not feel anything from my waste down. 

I touched the back of my head where my incision had been from the surgery and there was a golf ball sized bulge.

I immediately knew that something was way wrong.

I called my mom and told her that I needed her to come get me I was sick again.

She, being the irreplaceable mother she is, hopped in the car and drove to get me as fast as possible.

She called my neurosurgeon's office on the way and told him we needed to come in for an emergency appointment. 

I was seen that afternoon and he said that I would have to have surgery in the morning to repair the patch that had been placed in the back of my head during the first surgery. 

It all happened so fast. 

I had no time to even think about what was about to happen, I just knew that I had to have the surgery.

The next morning I was in the operating room.

There was a tiny hole in the patch they had placed where bone was in the back of my head.

They removed some of my skull and put this patch in during the first surgery to give more space for the spinal fluid to flow.

The hole had been gradually leaking.

It was no ones fault, because the hole was so small it could not be seen with the naked eye.

I spend 4 days in the hospital.

Over those days, I tried to keep up with my school work, but each day, it became more clear that I would not be able to fully recover and complete my first semester.

It was so hard. 

I had just become acquainted with college life.

I had just made friends.

Why now?

Why was this happening?

The emotional and physical pain were a lot to deal with.

{Not to mention that when they shaved my hair for the second surgery they were a lot less considerate}

I, along with my parents' help made the decision to take a medical leave of absence from that semester.

It was hard but it was the right thing. 

Boy were the days long and lonely

But we will get to that in the next editions of 

My Journey!

Thanks for reading guys! 

Keeping Focus

I must admit that life gets hectic,

and I often find my self beginning to seek satisfaction in so many earthly things. 

But on this Monday

{That started too early!}

I want to share with you what is on my heart

And what I have been reading in my new devotional book.

Ryan gave me this book:

I must admit that I read yesterday's reading today, but it really connected with what I find my self doing every day.

Here is a small part of February 20th's reading. 

{it is written as if Jesus is talking to you}

"SEEK MY FACE, and you will find more than you ever dreamed possible. Let me displace worry at the center of your being... I am the goal of all your searching. When you seek Me, you find Me and are satisfied. When lesser foals capture your attention, I fade into the background of your life. I am still there, watching and waiting; but you function as if you were alone."

I dont want to be living like I dont have Jesus, or need him.

I know that I can't do this alone, and life is only bound to get more complicated.

It is just so hard to admit to yourself that you are not self sufficient without Christ.

{If you are looking for a book to just start your Quite time, I recommend this one.}

My Journey: Part 2

If you are just now joining me,

I am sharing a huge part of my life, a "journey" that has and still influences many aspects of my life.

If you want to catch up, read part one

Before we start..

How about a fun pic of me and Ryan from our graduation beach trip!

{This was right before I had my surgery. glad I got my tan on, haha} 

I was referred to one of the best pediatric neurosurgeons in the country at Duke in July.

I had several more in depth testing done to determine what was causing these continual, crippling headaches, fainting spells, numbness, swallowing problems, and ringing in my ears. 

At my appointment he told my parents and I that I had Chiari Malformation.

It is something that you are born with and it either presents its self at birth or usually at the age of 16-18. {go figure I was 18 at the time}. 

Basically, your cerebellum has tonsils, and my cerebelluar tonsils were obstructing the flow of spinal fluid flow to the brain! 

{big deal yall!}

So my spinal fluid was just spurting past the tonsils.

Here is a picture to help you, well picture it.

source

He told us that surgery in my case surgery had about a 70 - 95% chance of being fully successful.

He said that I would see some of the more complex symptoms go away for sure and that I would most likely get significant relief from my headaches.

We decided to go for it. 

I was at my wits end.

I was starting college in 2 months.

I was ready to be 100%

My surgery was that Friday!

For some reason I had complete peace. 

Ryan and my family were all so supportive and were therefore me the entire time. 

I went into surgery at 6AM.

I dont remember anything until I woke up in ICU in intense pain.

I was cussing up a storm {hahaha}

I was in so much pain. 

My morphine pump was broken for an hour after the surgery. 

No wonder I pressed the button 160 times people! 

I stayed in the hospital for 5 days and then went home and spend all summer recovering.

I made a fast recovery and headed off to College! 

2 months later, enter set back...

That is where we can pick up next time.

What to expect:

Part 3: The Set-back

Part 4: Today and the Future

Part 5: What was God Teaching Me?

Captivating Heart

Happy Valentine's Day! 

I am enjoying this day, 

thinking about the love I have for:

My Heavenly Father

My Husband

My Amazing Mom and Dad

My Encouraging Brother

My Supporting Grandparents

All My Friends

and even 

My Cute Dog!

I hope you take the time to tell someone that they are special.

{It is not all about being sappy.}

There are two lines from a song that have been on my heart for the past few days and I think there is no more fitting time to dwell on these thoughts than Valentine's Day.

{From God to Us}

"Has anybody told you, You're beautiful?

You might believe if you could see what I see.

'cuz everything about you is incredible,

you should have seen me smile the day that I met you."

If no one has told you today, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

This next verse has been the cry of my heart. 

"If it's true beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder,

I want my life and whats in side to give Him something to behold.

I want a heart that's captivating."

{Thanks Nichole Nordeman for writing such a wonderful song}

Beautiful For Me

My Journey: part 1

I have decided to write about my "journey."

I call it a journey because I don't exactly know what else to call it.

It is centered around my health, and physical pain.

I prefer not to talk about it a lot, and especially not to those who don't know me. 

I am looking forward to writing out my feelings and how everything I went through {though big to me are minuscule to trials others face on a daily basis} have helped me really grow and become reliant on Christ. 

I pray that my pitiful attempt to write this would reach just one person. 

I'll write this in several parts.

_______________________________________________________

Just a quick background:

I was born in 1990. 

Healthy as could be and always happy. 

I made it to high school with nothing more than what mom referred to as the "Sonic headache"

I would have headaches in the afternoons about 3 or 4 times a week and sonic slushies were my "cure."

Although the headache remained after I had the slushie.

{remember that one, it will make sense later}

In high school, my headaches worsened and other symptoms began.

I passed out cold one morning after waking up and walking in the kitchen.

I would often pass out when I stood up in class to turn a paper in, and by 4th period my head hurt so bad I could not function. 

{me in high school with my 2 best friends}

This became the norm for me.

My parents knew that answers were needed. 

I went to a cardiologist.

{I wore a heart monitor for 3 weeks, nothing wrong}

I went to a neurologist.

He tried to put me on depression medicine.

He said this may make you gain wait but your going to college so you will do that anyway.

{that didn't settle well at all}

I was not having headaches because I was depressed.

I may have been depressed because I never felt good.

He ran some tests and said I had a minor defect but not to worry.

My parents are both doctors and they knew that the "minor defect" was something to get a second opinion about. 

I was referred to one of the best pediatric neurologist in the country for what is call Chiari Malformation.

_____________________________

It was hard.

I was making the change from homeschool to public school. 

{not hard academically, thanks mom}

I never felt good.

I just wanted to be able to enjoy time. 

I didn't want to be labeled a complainer or a hypochondriac.

I wasn't trying to blame God just yet, but I sure couldn't find the good.

But trust me he had it.

_____

Ill pause there for now, meanwhile Ill be gathering my thoughts for part 2.

Please come back to read more.