Wednesday, June 5

Long Distance in Marriage

Have you and your husband ever found yourself in a long distance marriage for a while?
I never thought I would, but when my husband took his job, we found out he would be traveling pretty much the entire first year!?! 
It's crazy, it really is, but after going through a stretch of woah-is-me I'm the only person who never gets to see her husband, I realized that I absolutely wasn't the only one!
It went kind of like this: "Self, have you ever heard of deployment, or of husbands who have to go overseas for work, or husbands furthering their education out of state?"
It's hard. I'm not going to lie, but this summer, we will have been doing it for one year. 
We have learned along the way and figured out ways to make this thing work for the time being.
Maybe what we have learned to mistakes and successes will encourage you.
I guess it's also not bad marriage advice either, even if you aren't long distancing. 

1. Remind yourself it isn't permanent. 
There is always an end. I don't know an exact date yet, but I know that soon he will be home and working a normal schedule in one town. Looking forward to that time is what gets me through the lonely weeks.

2. Text each other! All day! Everyday! 
We love text message. I mean top 10 best inventions ever, I think so! Tell him you miss him like a bajillion times a day. It's ok. They like to be reminded that someone misses them. Talk about funny things and send funny pictures of you and the dog or something you did that day. 
Source unknown

3. When and if you do get to see them, plan your time together.
Some weekends when Ryan comes home, if we haven't planned anything we just end up staring at each other until lunch on Saturday saying, "What do you want to do?" "I don't know. What do you want to do?" Not productive and Not fun! Breakfast dates are some of our favorite ways to spend a Saturday morning.


4. Be honest with each other. 
Tell the other person about your hard days or worries. A lot of times when you see your spouse everyday it is easy to read their emotions to see if something is on their mind or upsetting them, but the phone can really make it hard. Marriage is all about supporting each other. Don't let that HUGE aspect slip when you miles apart. 

5. LOVE on each other. 
Do something special for the other person. Something they may not be expecting. Make time for being ALONE when you are together!! And don't neglect the other's needs.

6. Finally, Stay Positive.
Remember that what your going through is hard but there is always someone out there going through something much harder. Don't complain all the time to others about your situation. They will get tired of it, TRUST ME! Have faith that God will bring you through, what ever the separation may be and how ever long, a better and stronger Husband and Wife!!



5 comments:

  1. Great advice, Clara! My husband and I have been doing the same thing for about two years. It's been tough, definitely, but we most certainly learned a lot! Thanks for sharing :)

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  2. I am so sorry to have to be separated from your hubs while he works! I was separated from mine for a month during our first year of marriage and that was hard enough! Can't imagine an entire year. Love the advice!

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  3. My husband and I just got done living 3.5 hours apart for 4 months, and this summer we will be mostly apart as he transitions into a new job in a new city and I wrap up my old job before moving to be with him. Great advice! You are so strong!

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  4. I feel you on this. Great points, especially remember to schedule time alone. My boyfriends and I spent the first 2 years of our relationship living 1.5 hrs apart by car, seeing each other only on weekends. Then my boyfriend took a job across the country. Now we have spent the last year with extreme long distance. We have gone as long as 3 months without seeing each other (don't recommend and I don't plan to do that ever again) We try to remember to plan time alone since he lives in a fun city and wants me to meet his new group of friends the moment i get off the plane.

    It's hard. It takes work. I understand being annoyed when someone else complains. I have no idea what it is like to see my significant other every day. So many people take it for granted. I can count on one hand how many times in 3 years (beyond our months dating in college) we have spent 6 days in a row together.

    I hope you get to see your hubs every day very soon!

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  5. I give you so much credit! My husband and I spent four and a half years long distance while we were dating, including almost all of our engagement. It was hard but definitely worth it. He is in the Marines so I am dreading being SUPER long distance soon.

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~Clara